Foods That Don't Look Like Foods: Episode 2

Foods That Don't Look Like Foods: Episode 1

OMG (The Ballad of Heart-Stopping Luncheon Extremities)

My dear friends, today is the beginning of a new era.

I must tell you of this most incredible experience.

The day began like any other. Who would have seen this coming -- much less, been prepared?

As I made my way into the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch, I could feel my stomach turning. "Why," I asked myself, "must I be so hungry?" I had learned by now to hone all my skills and abilities to distract my eternal-starving gut from that gross reality of the food I was to ingest when favished.

Dragging my gorgeous ass up the stairs, I put on my sunglasses in an attempt to sheild my retinas from the certain white horizon of my blinding, mortal enemy -- Rice.

The moment that I stepped into the cafeteria, I stopped dead in my tracks. "OMG," was the only acronym that my brain could process...

There, were the rice was known to exist, sat a piece of pizza.

I stepped in a little closer. Could it be? A piece of regular, non-rice pizza?

Realizing that I was letting my guard down too easily, I backed away until I was almost out of the room. "Pull yourself together! How will you ever learn to trust again if you don't take that leap of faith?" My conscience was right. It had been too long since I'd seen a regular meal, and I wasn't about to make the fatal mistake of letting this one chance at happiness pass me by.

Inching my way forward (and after intense periods of hyper-ventilation), I reached the pizza. Picking it up, I let the reality of the mouth-watering specimen sink in. This was it.

I didn't even have time to inspect underneath the cheese... Before I knew it, I was taking a bite out of the most wonderful thing that my eyes have ever beheld...

...And it was breath-taking.

I'll never be the same.

Please, tell your friends and family; alert the neighbourhood watch; pass this story down the branches of your family tree:

There is hope. Yes, there is hope.

This Year on the Menu: Rice!

Ever feel like you are completely under the control of some cruel higher power? If you are a dorm student at a university, you are.

I decided to hone my superior artistic talents to create for you, an image; an image that may ring truer in your heart of hearts than you had ever intended. The following illustrations may cause frustration and pain, but they were meant to tell a story... the story of the dorm-student's agony when all they wanted was something to eat.

"No, that would be too simple," the kitchen staff says, "These students need to know what it means to have a balanced diet." -- OMG ONE FOOD SERVED FOR EVERY MEAL OF EVERY DAY IS NOT A BALANCED DIET!!11#$@@%%^!!!

And so, our story begins with the portrayal of the 7-day installment (along with two tasty desserts) of the only food that seems to be on the menu: rice.

Rice, you are my mortal enemy. If I have to spend the rest of my natural life facing you at every street corner and taxi cab, then it's just not worth it anymore.. (this is not a suicide letter).


DAY ONE:

DAY TWO:

DAY THREE:

AND FOR DESSERT:







DAY FOUR:

DAY FIVE:



DAY SIX:

DAY SEVEN (Thank God):

AND FOR DESSERT:

Save us.

For Today's University Student..

I find that buying even a simple snack can eventually cause you to dip further and further into your tuition money. As a university student, I made a list of suggestions -- cheap alternatives to a $1.58 O'Henry or a $4.65 drink at Starbucks.

The following are helpful snack ideas that can keep the ever-so-tight budget managable for the ever-so-food-dependent student...

Delicious ("cheap").